COURAGE

The courage to forgive is a long journey,
a long, long journey
in overcoming adversity
to value myself accepting myself as I am
with my disability
instead of blaming self
becoming self compassionate
I try to find the best in me
I try to find the diverse abilities
In the altered state of me
in the sun I see myself clearly
but I am often blinded by the light
In the moonlight I feel my soul
But I am hounded by strange shadows
It is difficult having an illness
That seems invisible to others
but I have made a pact
not to be invisible to myself

I try to keep walking along the road of hope
picking myself up as best I can
and within my limits when I can't cope
picking myself up whenever I falter
with aches and pains, brain fog,
fatigue and subsequent emotional lability
Learning to ask for help or getting it
has been the hardest thing of all
So often ignored even by those close
That I am having to learn not to have any expectations
Too few have the time to really listen or understand
I have to realise their problem is compassion fatigue
I'm trapped inside isolated
Nevertheless I keep going on
looking for turning points
to propel myself forward

I hold on to hope and courage
to love myself no matter what
as the clouds pass me by
like ships sailing in the sky
I ask why, why, why?
but I try to understand that this M.E. cloud
is my ship, my journey
Its happening to me
so I will speak about it aloud
for all to hear about it
I am not alone in this
there are many of us, children and adults
succumbing to this yet unknown entity
struggling to find health
to get it back or find a new identity
to face that challenge
Notwithstanding surrounding disbelief
and lack of care
is the test of my courage and tenacity